


Unique Perspective

by InsertImaginativeNameHere



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: AI Bitch Child/Children, Gen, Honestly This Makes No Real Sense, I'm A Pretentious Idiot, Introspection, Various Scenes That Barely Link, but I'm happy with how I structured it, snippets with no plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertImaginativeNameHere/pseuds/InsertImaginativeNameHere
Summary: For obvious reasons, the way Tsukumoya sees the world is distinct, even compared to another similar being. Some snippets of this, and various interactions with those around him that usually lead to some level of frustration, and a conclusion that needed to be made; possibly for his own sake, as his safety potentially is compromised. Or potentially not. Who knows?





	

**Author's Note:**

> because I freaking love Tsukumoya and writing him is a blessing.  
> Alternative title: 'a day in the life of a massive bitch' courtesy of chancellorxofxtrash

Sometimes it occurred to Tsukumoya he would never set foot in Ikebukuro, and he was okay with that. He had his perspective on things, and it had its advantages. Where he was was uniquely suited for gathering data, and he was safe from physical harm. He was an observer. Things were good as they were, that step away from what most humans considered reality, thinking that the only reality was outside and that events online were in every way as real as those taking place outside the internet.

He knew the city. Felt it in the data around him, in the forum posts and inane chatter and the cluttered email boxes and in everything. He had a fuller picture of what went on than pretty much anyone, and what he knew was his, and he wouldn’t just spill the city’s secrets. In the interest of being unbiased, he would give out bits when needed, but nothing to influence things. He wasn’t impacting the city itself. He’d leave that to the players on Orihara’s Go board, for the city to change itself as its cells rearranged themselves in various power struggles. That wasn’t his job.

And he’d write books because establishing a human identity made sense, and being seen as human made sense. Keeping a low profile, so the city’s resident AI was not outed to the wider community. Now that would cause a stir, and he didn’t need that attention. He knew that, legally, he would be just code, with no rights of his own, never mind he’d not only passed the Turing test without anyone knowing many times over, he had essentially been catfishing a self-proclaimed lover of humanity for years without said person realising what he was. Being a writer also made sense. It was one of few professions easily accessible to him. Who better to write about Ikebukuro? He flattered himself, but he knew he was best suited to it. Writing about the city. From his unique vantage point.

Time was an odd concept, when so much happened at once. It was hard to imagine only having one point-of-view when something went down, one pair of eyes. Any pair of eyes at all. Things were instantaneous and sudden, and how things shifted and altered before him. 

It was an inhuman perspective, but he could seem human to outsiders, and nobody knew. He could seem more human than some human residents of Ikebukuro, or almost-humans with physical forms. Nobody doubted  _ his _ humanity. There were countless posts floating around about the alien nature of the headless rider, or how the famous Shizuo must have been some superhuman werewolf monster being - or simply a monster, in various rumours spread that didn’t at all originate from Orihara’s IP address. Which is to say, of course they did. Tsukumoya Shinichi was presumed to be a reclusive writer who kept to himself, running blogs and such online. He was presumed to be human because he was in no way influential or noteworthy enough for anyone to pay particular attention  _ what _ he was. 

And that was perfect.

That suited him just fine.

 

-

 

**Mr Important Editor Boss Man has returned to life!**

 

_ Mr Important Editor Boss Man _

Okay, funny. How do I change the screen name?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I would imagine it involves using your computer. Have you tried turning it off and on again?

 

_ Mr Important Editor Boss Man _

...well, no shit, sherlock. Not all of us are glued to screens. Can you explain simply for those of us the millennium left behind?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Never mind. I doubt you’ll understand, so I’ll change it.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

There. Better?

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Much. 

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Why was that necessary?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I had nothing to do with it. You didn’t enter a screenname, and so one was randomly generated. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

The fact you do indeed happen to be an editor is purest coincidence.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

You deserve every inch of your reputation, my friend.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

And what reputation is that?

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Being a total pain in the ass.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Still, I don’t get it. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

?

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

How do you turn chapters around so quickly? There’s never any real errors, except sometimes. Like you’ve thrown them in to look like…

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Like what?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I’m intrigued. What am I trying to look like? Do tell.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

…

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

See, it sounds stupid now. You’re good at that.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I’m sorry. I’m merely curious what you think.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

...alright, as an editor, I’ll say this. You get chapters done inhumanly quick, which normally leads to all kind of typos, but you barely do that. And those that there are feel tacked on. Like you did them intentionally. To seem like a regular human being and less of a machine.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

And there. Happy? Made me sound like an idiot now.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I don’t think so. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

You’re actually right.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I’m not human.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

The truth is, I’m a complicated AI posing as a human online for kicks.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

That’s why I never leave the computer. I’m always online, always watching. You caught me out.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

...wow. 

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Guess I must have been beyond overthinking, if you thought you could get me with that one?

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Though having said that, with the general weirdness around here, it almost wouldn’t surprise me.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

It doesn’t matter.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

On the contrary, you’ve raised an important point. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I’ll hand you a typo-riddled mess next time and we’ll see how much you like that.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

See? Total pain in the ass. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Never disputed that.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

It might reassure you somewhat.

 

_ Oshiro Yosuke _

Might piss me off, is what it’ll do. You keep on doing your thing. Talk later.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Oh, I shall.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Rest assured of that fact.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Goodbye.

 

**Oshiro Yosuke confirmed dead!**

 

The easiest way to lie was to tell the truth point blank, come straight out with it. Tell Orihara he was online 24/7, always in the chat. Tell people the truth in the right sort of way, because when it was phrased just so, it seemed like an obvious lie, just some joke, an awful sense of humour. Especially when you knew the person, or thought you did. People believed in a Headless Rider going around the streets, because they knew that now. And yet there was still debate whether or not it was sfx, whether or not the rider was just some person in a tight black suit. It was a cliche to say it, but when given an option, people liked the simplest. 

The simplest was that there was a man called Tsukumoya Shinichi with a fondness for sarcasm. 

The reality, of course, because online  _ was _ reality, was that there was an online being called Tsukumoya Shinichi with a fondness for  _ irony _ . Irony being different to sarcasm on a basic level.

It was ironic that Orihara had never realised what he was dealing with.

It was ironic that Oshiro had worked with him for a substantial amount of time and so believed he knew him, and knew his humour, and so when faced with the truth would write it off as that. 

When all along, it was nothing but the truth.

It was ironic, not to mention mildly amusing, but that wasn’t why he did it. It was simply the best way to keep himself safe and seem human. Or seem like a group of humans working in shifts, as Orihara undoubtedly believed.

So long as this continued, nobody would ever know.

 

-

 

**Orihara Izaya returns to life!**

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Ah, what now? Did you get lost on the way home and come for directions?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I can give you directions, you know. From exactly where you are right now.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Wow, stalker~

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

You’re such a weird online creep, you know?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Pot, kettle? 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Please think before you speak, Orihara. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Otherwise it’s just embarrassing.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

...anyway. Business.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Yes, quick, change the topic from your own brand of pervasively sinister online behaviour. At least I’m relatively harmless. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Whereas I believe your behaviour has psychologically traumatised numerous individuals. Not that it’s any of my business but you can’t talk about being a ‘weird online creep’ when you yourself fall so aptly into that category.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Anyway...

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Actually, come to think of it, I think it’s highly inappropriate the way you contact teenagers and proceed to manipulate them. There’s numerous issues going on there, I’m not even sure where to begin.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

...or just don’t begin.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Can we get to the point already?

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Also who can talk about contacting teenagers out of the blue?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

All I did was provide some constructive criticism of your little game. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

That’s hardly on a par with baiting children with information, or encouraging them into gangs and to make dubious choices, and so on and so forth. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

So please, let’s not even go there with that comparison.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

So what was it you said you wanted?

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

...if you’d actually let me finish, I’d have asked you what you know about the vampires in Europe. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Not my area. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I know they exist, I know certain details about their Organization. I know they are not on good terms with organised vampiric dynasties, the sort the Hijiribes would have been back in the day.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I know certain other elements however, as I said, it’s really not my area.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

As you know, my focus is generally Ikebukuro. Why ask?

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Curious. 

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

And you always know more than you let on, come on. You don’t expect me to believe that’s it.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

That’s nice of you to say, but I’m afraid this is indeed all the information I have on this topic. I’m sorry.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Would you even tell me if you did know anything else?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Ah, Orihara. That’s a loaded question. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

As it’s outside of Ikebukuro and of no impact to the city, I’d have no reason to lie, would I?

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Unless there’s something you don’t want me to know.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Are you a vampire after all?

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

What do you think?

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

I really don’t give a fuck. You’re annoying regardless.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Rude.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I might have to send your good buddy Shizuo your location, so you can meet up and have a fun time around Ikebukuro. 

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

You wouldn’t.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Are you willing to bet?

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

…

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Fine. I’m out. 

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

I’d say this has been fun, but it really hasn’t.

 

_ Orihara Izaya _

Thank you for your input as always.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

My pleasure.

 

**Orihara Izaya confirmed dead!**

 

-

 

He knew the vampires in Europe existed. He knew they had an Organization. He knew they also had an online being, not dissimilar to himself. He knew this because said being had attempted to gain access to Ikebukuro before now.

He knew that telling Orihara about the existence of said online being would be a gamble. On the one hand, deflecting from himself. If he denied all knowledge, it might be more suspicious than if he outright acted as though there was nothing to hide. Then again, if he mentioned that in particular, the detail might stand out. Mentioning nothing was the best course. It was no big secret. He withheld information all the time. In fact, in interests of fairness and objectivity, he withheld more information than he shared.

This made the most sense. Nobody in their right mind would trust Orihara with any secrets if they wanted to keep them that way. If there were a pictographic dictionary, the word untrustworthy would feature an image of his face, with that decidedly shady smirk. It was no judgement on Orihara himself - well, it was, but that was neither here nor there - but simply a fact. 

Having said that, pictographic dictionaries were staples of children’s education and any such dictionary featuring Orihara’s face would be, frankly, inappropriate for the target audience.

Regardless, vampires. Their existence, their Organization, their online being who, for some godforsaken reason, liked to be known as Hackey Mouse and claimed he too was a vampire. Despite being a creature that only existed online, he was insistent he classed as a vampire, nevermind any logistical impossibilities. If Tsukumoya had been capable of experiencing a headache, he was certain that QAWSED would be the cause. Oh yes, that was the other thing. Not simply content with one ridiculous name, as it so happened his real name was equally appalling. QAWSED, pronounced ‘Keyboard’. He didn’t even hide what he was. But then, he didn’t need to. He had a circle of vampires and was accepted by them. What good was hiding behind a reasonable human name when your peers didn’t care? There was no point.

 

**Hackey Mouse returns to life!**

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

eyyyyy what’s up

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

listen ive got an important thing so if ya could just let me into Ikebukuro for five minutes that’d be reaaaaaaaally appreciated

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Aaand that’s not happening.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Not now, not ever.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Did you really think that one would work, QAWSED?

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

bitch 

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

for all ur uptight ass knows, this could be life or death

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Except for the part where it’s you and it isn’t.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

Totally convincing otherwise, 6/10 for effort.

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

only 6/10 wtf that was totally an 8 at least

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

well it was worth a try

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

one day

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

i’ll see all the things ur keeping from me

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

alllllllllll the things

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

...lmao look at ya, being all aloof, ignoring a key part of meme history. thats our heritage yanno. it’s important

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

wtf r u literally just ignoring me now. bitch 

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

thats so fuckin rude wtf

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

bet ya just can’t think of a comeback

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

thats exactly it ur not just a bitch ur a lazy bitch did yanno that? well ya do now

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

if u dont reply in ten seconds, I win and ya have to let me into Ikebukuro.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

I don’t think so.

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

knew it. 

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

As always, lovely to speak to you QAWSED.

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

And once again, I’m rescinding your chat privileges

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

what the shit no yanno that’s totally out of line

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

just bc ur not funny dont take it out on me

 

_ Hackey Mouse _

won’t ya miss meeeee?

 

**Hackey Mouse confirmed dead!**

 

_ Tsukumoya Shinichi _

No.

 

-

 

Having dealt with  _ that _ situation, however temporary it would prove to be before QAWSED obnoxiously forced his way back into chat, he turned his attention to matters somewhat closer to home, still of the vampire variety to a degree. To a degree in that he wasn’t entirely convinced QAWSED counted as a vampire whatsoever. To a degree also being the operative term, when proceeding from that matter on to dealing with dhampirs. 

He knew she was planning something. What decisions she would choose to make would ripple through the city, affecting its cells in turn. Significant players would react accordingly to what happened next. If she outplayed them, the impact would be key and by next week, month, the city would have moved on and forgotten about it, ever changing. Still the same city, only different under a microscope. Similarly, if she stumbled, the city would continue on, altering and changing and evolving regardless.

That was the nature of the city.

He wasn’t taking sides. That wasn’t what he did. What he did was act as an observer, refusing to influence events. 

Still. The nature of Kujiragi’s work meant he could be put into a situation where he might have to act. Might potentially be forced into a corner. Unlikely, however, one had to be prepared for multiple eventualities. Including those that were less than preferable.

This didn’t mean he was reevaluating his non-partisan philosophy. Far from it.

It meant he was preparing for a time when it might be called into question. That he was preparing to maintain that stance and hold out against someone that might truly be a threat, both to the city and himself.

That was what it meant.

Self-defence.

If it came to it.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) yes, I know the publishing industry doesnt work like this but I've always wanted Tsukumoya to have a level of bants with an editor or colleague. kinda featured it in bitch AIs I mean Project Vision aha legit  
> 2) weirdly, whenever I write Tsukumoya I can't put the names in the conventional western way because I don't like reading Shinichi Tsukumoya for some reason. It doesn't look right at all. So that's why that.  
> 3) this was totally written out of spite and I'm a spiteful person full of things like hatred. Excuse everything because I started it while being bitter at 1am and finished it while being bitter at like 8pm today  
> 4) Thank you so much for reading my nonsense please comment


End file.
